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mike ansberry
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Location: Clarksville, Tn
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 Posted: Sat Sep 14, 2019 8:16 pm Post subject: Post gig depression |
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Today on the way home I was feeling pretty down. Then I realized that I am always down after a performance. Even after conducting school band concerts for 33 years. I also always dwell on the things that went wrong. Then the next day if I listened to recordings of the performance I realize that it was pretty good after all.
I think maybe it happens because performance dumps adrenaline into my bloodstream. I get pretty (naturally) high from performance and leaves me kind of.crashed afterwards.
Does this happen to any of you?
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kehaulani
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Joined: 23 Mar 2003
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Location: Hawai`i - Texas
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| Posted: Sat Sep 14, 2019 8:37 pm Post subject: |
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One of the most pleasurable memories I have is of driving through the peaceful, green countryside in Germany at about 2:00 in the morning, with some mellow music playing, after a pop band gig (multiple times). So peaceful after all that energy. And such a feeling of accomplishment.
And if I conducted, I could never hit the sack immediately, when I got home. I would always have to stay up at least two hours. Just needed some time to unwind.
I would almost, immediately, miss the audience or dancers, though. Maybe that's one reason it was so hard to come down.
I empathise with you very much.
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Trumpetingbynurture
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Joined: 18 Nov 2015
Posts: 898
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| Posted: Sat Sep 14, 2019 9:04 pm Post subject: Re: Post gig depression |
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| mike ansberry wrote: | Today on the way home I was feeling pretty down. Then I realized that I am always down after a performance. Even after conducting school band concerts for 33 years. I also always dwell on the things that went wrong. Then the next day if I listened to recordings of the performance I realize that it was pretty good after all.
I think maybe it happens because performance dumps adrenaline into my bloodstream. I get pretty (naturally) high from performance and leaves me kind of.crashed afterwards.
Does this happen to any of you? |
Yeah, I wouldn't think about it as depression. I'd think of it as adrenaline withdrawal and the after effects of being hyper-stimulated and anxious.
There isn't really anything to be done about it, other than recognising that it passes, and just being okay with that. I have a terrible time sleeping after any important performance, and when I do sleep, my brain gets stuck in a mental loop obsessing over the perceive threat situation with looped dreams.
I think it is why so many musicians drink heavily ('celebrate') after a performance. It can turn into a pretty serious drinking problem though if one isn't careful.
A better option would be to try a low very low dosage of a Beta Blocker (~5mgs) which will take the edge of the adrenaline response, and also take the edge off the post-adrenaline response. Talk to your doctor.
Also, many of the bad things you hear about beta blockers are a result of either taking a too high dosage or because people think they will fix their psychological problems. If you have unhealthy thoughts, you'll still have unhealthy thoughts, and taking the edge off the adrenaline will stop the adrenaline tunnel-visioning which can happen, which some people rely on to stop themselves from noticing their mental junk while performing. It really depends on whether the issue is mostly physiological or mostly psychological. I know some musicians who have healthy mental attitudes and are really stellar musicians, but struggle with the effects of adrenaline... bow shake for string players is a big one.
This is not a recommendation, just information that may or may not be useful. |
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chuck in ny
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Joined: 23 Sep 2006
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Location: New York
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| Posted: Sat Sep 14, 2019 9:59 pm Post subject: |
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| give some thought to strengthening the body with improved diet and cardiovascular exercise. |
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HERMOKIWI
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Joined: 24 Dec 2008
Posts: 2581
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| Posted: Sat Sep 14, 2019 11:45 pm Post subject: Re: Post gig depression |
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| mike ansberry wrote: | Today on the way home I was feeling pretty down. Then I realized that I am always down after a performance. Even after conducting school band concerts for 33 years. I also always dwell on the things that went wrong. Then the next day if I listened to recordings of the performance I realize that it was pretty good after all.
I think maybe it happens because performance dumps adrenaline into my bloodstream. I get pretty (naturally) high from performance and leaves me kind of.crashed afterwards.
Does this happen to any of you? |
I often have the same issue. I'm rarely, if ever, fully satisfied with my performance. It's gotten better about this over the past couple of years but I'm still hyper-critical of my own performance. When I look back I can say that I was 100% satisfied with only two performances over the past 59 years. I'm not certain what the solution is other than to just not take things so seriously.
I'm strictly an improvisational jazz player and one of the things that has helped me loosen up about this issue of not being satisfied with my performance is the famous Bill Evans quote: "There are no wrong notes in jazz, only wrong resolutions." It helps me look at a bigger picture in evaluating how I performed.
Also inspiring is the famous Miles Davis quote: "Man, sometimes it takes you a long time to sound like yourself." Being comfortable with sounding like myself and not always comparing myself to someone else or some theoretical "perfect" performance makes for a less critical look at things.
Being hyper-critical of your own performance is not uncommon. I saw Beverly Sills interviewed one time and she said she felt she had only one perfect performance in her entire career. She felt all her other performances were lacking in some way. So, there's no doubt that she often felt that "let down" thing after many, if not most, of her performances.
If you have this issue it's a difficult thing to shake because it is so ingrained into your perception of your self image and self esteem. I think the only way to get rid of it is to train yourself to not take things so seriously. Easier said than done but I do think that's the best way.
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GeorgeB
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| Posted: Sun Sep 15, 2019 3:11 am Post subject: |
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The most exciting and pleasurable thing for me has always been performing in front of an appreciative audience. It is a fantastic high that is difficult to come down from after evening gigs. I don't get much sleep those nights
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Seymor B Fudd
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Joined: 17 Oct 2015
Posts: 1468
Location: Sweden
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| Posted: Sun Sep 15, 2019 3:45 am Post subject: Re: Post gig depression |
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| mike ansberry wrote: | Today on the way home I was feeling pretty down. Then I realized that I am always down after a performance. Even after conducting school band concerts for 33 years. I also always dwell on the things that went wrong. Then the next day if I listened to recordings of the performance I realize that it was pretty good after all.
I think maybe it happens because performance dumps adrenaline into my bloodstream. I get pretty (naturally) high from performance and leaves me kind of.crashed afterwards.
Does this happen to any of you? |
I can agree with that. During the seventies and beginning eigthies we had a lot of late dance gigs with the swingband. 4x45 minutes swingtunes, in a ballroom filled with smoke, me non smoker (only one), dancing people all over, ending 0200. Then tearing down all chairs, music stands, you name it. Me driving home, perspiration slowly ceasing, reeking of smoke, opening the front door, house sleeping, me sitting in the closet, 0330, ready to take a shower, gloomily staring nowhere, licks whirling around, and that wrong note, and that lovely girl who danced by, the noise, the lack of air, the usual drunk who tried to conduct the band - impressions all over. Sigh. 0400 I was barely able to go to sleep. Music is fun....
Depression - no - I think Trumpeting by nurture made a good point. Rather coming back from a very very focussed state, having been deep into music, also the sentiments, I mean contrasting Well git it with Swanee River, Sy Olivcer score, the (rather rare) moment when the band suddenly sounded extremely tight, every tone was nailed in the exact moment, like we were a giant machine (The A train......).
I do miss it but on the other hand eventually this was incompatible with ordinary living, working full time in my profession, raising children, keeping up social life, wife...
Kehaulani: I had kind of same experience. very long time ago: having sailed with buddies for a week, playing a sextett, I left one summer night - driving through a beautiful landscape, sun slowly beginning to color the sky, cows on the meadows, me driving a used Mercedes 250 SE, - on a very long absolutely straight road I drove fast, 95, (no speedlimit at that time), from the radio a French station sending intense fugas by Bach, loud volume, then I spot a slow car one mile ahead, and I pass it, speed difference probably 62 miles/hour - looking in the rear mirror I could see a man, obviously shocked staring.
I´ll never forget it. Neither will he I suppose.
However writing this I do enter a somewhat melancholy state - perhaps I´m gettin´sentimental over me.....
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Last edited by Seymor B Fudd on Thu Sep 26, 2019 2:33 am; edited 2 times in total |
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Billy B
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Joined: 12 Feb 2004
Posts: 6130
Location: Des Moines
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| Posted: Sun Sep 15, 2019 7:04 am Post subject: Re: Post gig depression |
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| mike ansberry wrote: | Today on the way home I was feeling pretty down. Then I realized that I am always down after a performance. Even after conducting school band concerts for 33 years. I also always dwell on the things that went wrong. Then the next day if I listened to recordings of the performance I realize that it was pretty good after all.
I think maybe it happens because performance dumps adrenaline into my bloodstream. I get pretty (naturally) high from performance and leaves me kind of.crashed afterwards.
Does this happen to any of you? |
Only when I look at the check.
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Turkle
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Joined: 29 Apr 2008
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Location: New York City
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| Posted: Sun Sep 15, 2019 7:25 am Post subject: |
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| GeorgeB wrote: | | The most exciting and pleasurable thing for me has always been performing in front of an appreciative audience. It is a fantastic high that is difficult to come down from after evening gigs. I don't get much sleep those nights |
+1, absolutely same here. When I come home late from a great performance, even when I have to work early in the morning, there's no sleep for me... It's the best.
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myvalves
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Joined: 08 Sep 2019
Posts: 21
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| Posted: Sun Sep 15, 2019 9:36 am Post subject: Re: Post gig depression |
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| Billy B wrote: | | mike ansberry wrote: | Today on the way home I was feeling pretty down. Then I realized that I am always down after a performance. Even after conducting school band concerts for 33 years. I also always dwell on the things that went wrong. Then the next day if I listened to recordings of the performance I realize that it was pretty good after all.
I think maybe it happens because performance dumps adrenaline into my bloodstream. I get pretty (naturally) high from performance and leaves me kind of.crashed afterwards.
Does this happen to any of you? |
Only when I look at the check. |
+1 I agree |
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Seymor B Fudd
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Joined: 17 Oct 2015
Posts: 1468
Location: Sweden
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| Posted: Mon Sep 16, 2019 2:11 am Post subject: Re: Post gig depression |
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| myvalves wrote: | | Billy B wrote: | | mike ansberry wrote: | Today on the way home I was feeling pretty down. Then I realized that I am always down after a performance. Even after conducting school band concerts for 33 years. I also always dwell on the things that went wrong. Then the next day if I listened to recordings of the performance I realize that it was pretty good after all.
I think maybe it happens because performance dumps adrenaline into my bloodstream. I get pretty (naturally) high from performance and leaves me kind of.crashed afterwards.
Does this happen to any of you? |
Only when I look at the check. |
+1 I agree |
Check??  We played for beer and about 10 dollars a head....
(Today´ s gigs substitue guy get 40 dollars, at the most...and the rest of us nothing (=available money goes to the band, then arranger costs, music stands, scores, the guy who tries to make us play syncronized etc).
Since I never did play for the money, as distinct from many of you guys, these gigs became like one night stands, if I dare to make the comparison - hence the exitement, the heat, the focussing on the moment, being engulfed in the music, and that post state of being sort of ,eh, emptied emotionally. Which I believe was the OP:s experience. 
I still get a kick out of doing theses gigs - today´s parties are free of smoke thank God, but diving into the music still is worth the endeavors!
The real kick!
But never ever earning anything substantial from playing is of course saddening. So I can see the relevance of your comments! Many audiences don´t give a damn about reflecting about the huge efforts underlying our performances; personal practice, band practice and what not ad libitum infinitum .
Music seems to be built in. Press a button and there they are 
But that´s food for another thread.
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Trumpets:
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Last edited by Seymor B Fudd on Mon Sep 16, 2019 7:49 am; edited 2 times in total |
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windandsong
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Joined: 23 Feb 2006
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Location: Whitstable, UK
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| Posted: Mon Sep 16, 2019 5:07 am Post subject: |
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Depression post gig is one thing. Depression during is another 😬
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Turkle
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| Posted: Mon Sep 16, 2019 5:40 am Post subject: |
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| windandsong wrote: | | Depression post gig is one thing. Depression during is another 😬 |
Haha... Yeah, I've had that gig too...
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Seymor B Fudd
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| Posted: Mon Sep 16, 2019 8:01 am Post subject: |
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| Turkle wrote: | | windandsong wrote: | | Depression post gig is one thing. Depression during is another 😬 |
Haha... Yeah, I've had that gig too... |
Me to. One of those one night stands several guys got very intoxicated - in my section 2:nd, 3:rd trumpet and 4:rth trumpet men, me playing lead, got severely drunk and finally I got so mad that I threatened to leave if they did not pull themselves together. Which of course was almost impossible I had practiced a lot, we had reharsed a lot and it was Saturday night.
Ending the gig 0200 I left in not in a mood for love only to find my old battered Mercedes lacking the Silver Star - some idiot had ripped it off. Cost me four times the money I got from the gig. Stinking smoke even gloomier at home, - what the....why am I doing this....
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Cornets:
Getzen Custom Series Schilke 143D3/ DW Ultra 1,5 C
Getzen 300 series
Yamaha YCRD2330II
Yamaha YCR6330II
Getzen Eterna Eb
Trumpets:
Yamaha 6335 RC Schilke 14B
King Super 20 Symphony DB (1970)
Selmer Eb/D trumpet (1974)
Last edited by Seymor B Fudd on Tue Sep 17, 2019 12:29 am; edited 1 time in total |
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jhahntpt
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Joined: 19 Apr 2010
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Location: Southington CT
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| Posted: Mon Sep 16, 2019 9:22 am Post subject: |
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It happens to me all the time, I think about how it wasn't perfect, how I could have done something different along the way to prepare.
Then I remind myself that's why I love music. No matter how good or bad the performance goes there is always something to learn from it. Something to reflect on, something to feel good about, and something to push you back into the practice room.
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Bill_Bumps
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Joined: 07 May 2019
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| Posted: Tue Sep 17, 2019 1:51 pm Post subject: Re: Post gig depression |
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| HERMOKIWI wrote: |
Being hyper-critical of your own performance is not uncommon. I saw Beverly Sills interviewed one time and she said she felt she had only one perfect performance in her entire career. She felt all her other performances were lacking in some way. So, there's no doubt that she often felt that "let down" thing after many, if not most, of her performances... |
I've never had a professional engagement in my life -- I've been playing less than a year, and I'm still working on just becoming competent.
But I think I understand what you're all talking about, here. After every practice session, I'm always grumbling and cursing, never satisfied with what I've done that day, always hypercritical of this or that aspect of my playing. Somehow my performance never matches the music I can hear in my head. And yet, when I ask my wife later, how I sounded, she always says she thought I was doing pretty well, and improving noticeably.
Reading through this thread, I'm getting the idea that this is not only common, but in a way, a good thing. Because people who are consistently satisfied with their work will never feel any need to extend themselves, to improve, to raise their playing to a higher level.
It's those of us who keep on reaching for the next rung on the ladder who are seldom content to rest long on our laurels; to recognize that we can always do better next time. And who will.
That's how I see it, anyway. |
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Brad361
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Joined: 16 Dec 2007
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Location: Houston, TX.
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| Posted: Sun Sep 22, 2019 3:59 pm Post subject: |
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When I was much younger, absolutely, I would dwell on whatever I did that I didn’t like, and gloss over my strong performance points. Not anymore.
Yes, I still hate having a bad night, but those are much fewer, and when they happen? I usually shake it off pretty quickly. Dwelling on the negative is what made me stop playing completely for about nine years in the 80’s. No more.
Brad
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kehaulani
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Location: Hawai`i - Texas
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| Posted: Sun Sep 22, 2019 5:56 pm Post subject: |
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A "Bad Night" just gives me more things to work on the next day.
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Andy Cooper
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| Posted: Tue Sep 24, 2019 9:58 am Post subject: |
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No I don't worry about stuff like that anymore.
Someone has to put the unnecessary stinger on the end of "The U.S. Field Artillery March" - might as well be me. |
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rockford
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| Posted: Fri Oct 18, 2019 9:14 am Post subject: |
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When I was younger I often felt down after playing a low paid or volunteer gig where it was clear the people didn’t appreciate what I or the band was doing. Setting some personal standards of what was worthy of my volunteer time solved that.
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