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Existential crisis



 
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Seymor B Fudd
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PostPosted: Fri Sep 17, 2021 2:45 am    Post subject: Existential crisis Reply with quote

I have played in big band since 1968. The first one was formed as an offspring to an university band. I was inviterd by a buddy to play in a little band with 3 sxs 1 tb, 3 violins and with me 2 tp. Finding an address on a score I sent for "American Patrol", the original score. Took some time then I received the score together with an excuse " The shop to which you sent your order went out of business 1947 or so; my father bought the stock of arrangements -in which I was able to find your request so here it is".
Although there were some sheets for the violins they quit when we added one saxophone player, one trombone guy, one sousaphone, one banjo and a drummer. The rest became a musical history in the university town. Soon we played swing and sweet, had a gig every monday for 7 years, attended by a big and enthusiastic audience. Oldest score Stampede (Henderson) but we played so many original scores of classics. The band was gradually enlarged, modernized and when I quite in 1981 it was a full big band playing besides the old classics also modern (well...) scores. I occupied the lead chair during all, these years, participated in all rehearsals and gigs but one...The band is still in good health but today a modern big band most musicians having attended music - highschools.
Fast forward to 1995. A new swing band was formed by our first administrative guy (he and I led the orginal band; my responsibility was the music - I bought so many scores from Bron´s Orchestral services in London, probably cleaned their stock...
This new band still exists although the pandemic has hit it hard. I hope that we (I) will be able to re-start later this autumn.

8 years ago I was invited to play in a modern big band - 3:rd tp but soon enough I found myself sitting in the lead chair again. Sorry to say the former lead guy suffered a stroke. Playing in this big band has become sort of an addiction to me. As many other bands we mostly play from the "American Song book". Sinatra, Hefti, Basie, Nestico you name them!
Every Wednesday we have rehearsed - still does.
But - my amateur career began in the Brass Band in which I have played since 1957-8. The last 50 years always on a Thursday.
So I have enjoyed, immensely, my weeks - swing every other monday, big band Wednesday, and Brass Band Thursday.

But now: Swing band - maybe.. However, and here is the dilemma: All of a sudden the Brassband rehearsal, due to job requirements of our conductor, has moved to Wednesday so I will have to choose between these bands!
I just love playing in big bands, so much a part of my life; even bought a new trumpet 2 years ago or so. But I was raised in the Brass band, having played with many of the same buddies since 1958. I just cannot quit.....
This keeps me awake, ruminating, sighing frequently. I just cannot choose but I will have to.
Yes I know, becoming 80 late next year I should be satisfied.....but I am not.
Oh dear! What to do??? I know, deep down, that I can´t quit the Brass band but the agony....
Anyone else having had/has the same dilemma???
Music is my mistress ( well the second )
ps sorry for the rant but I´m so full of feelings.
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blbaumgarn
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PostPosted: Fri Sep 17, 2021 3:43 am    Post subject: Existential Crisis Reply with quote

Oh, Seymor, I feel so for ya. It should have happen having to make a decision like that.
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Seymor B Fudd
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PostPosted: Fri Sep 17, 2021 6:07 am    Post subject: Re: Existential Crisis Reply with quote

blbaumgarn wrote:
Oh, Seymor, I feel so for ya. It should have happen having to make a decision like that.


🥴😉yes I know I’m blessed having had that much opportunities - but still…
I just won’t sit down telling myself ”look now your’e old and oughta be satisfied so far”.
Maybe I’m musically greedy?
Feels like rippin’ out something essential.
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Grits Burgh
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PostPosted: Fri Sep 17, 2021 6:31 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Seymore,

I am neither by nature nor background a particularly sensitive person. I am aware of that shortcoming and try to mitigate the consequences but meet with various degrees of success. The trouble with being insensitive is that, well, you are insensitive; you just don't get other people's feelings.

That said, perhaps my own situation might put your dilemma in a little different context.

I do not have a swing band, big band or brass band in which to play. From my perspective, you are suffering from an embarrassment of riches. I would be delighted to have just one of your three opportunities (oh, and the ability to play lead in a big band).

This is not to minimize the angst of having to give up something that has been a big part of your life. It is only to say that there is nothing to do but make your decision and move on - oh, uh, well there is one more thing. You might as well complain and get it out of your system if that helps (and this forum is as good a place as any to do it). But unless things change with the Wednesday evening rehearsals, you can console yourself with the joy of playing in the remaining two bands and the knowledge that some of us envy your position.

By the way, I enjoy your posts. The forum wouldn't be the same without you.

Warm regards,
Grits
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trumpetteacher1
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PostPosted: Fri Sep 17, 2021 8:54 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Considering that you are the lead player in the modern big band, explain your dilemma to the members, and ask if the band can switch to Thursday (or some other day).

Jeff
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kehaulani
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PostPosted: Fri Sep 17, 2021 9:37 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I could write reams about turning corners in life, or be concise. I'll be concise. (Really)

Remember, it's true: "When one door closes, another opens up".

To me, this boils down to something simple: life is full of course corrections. You've had a run with a consistency that many people will never know. Now it's time to move on and find something to take its place. At first it may seem scary but you can do it.

For example, for you:
**draw from the players you know, as well as attract from other local bands, enough like-minded players to start up a new band in the former's place.

**in a similar light, you could form a small group and discover new, exciting worlds of classical, pop and folk music. There are likely worlds of other interesting and exciting music to learn, enjoy and perform. As an aside, there is a stream of Swedish Folk Music that is just wonderful.

**you could take up arranging. You can use all the musical groups and players in your area as a "lab" as you gain more technique. You get an immense musical satisfaction and, once you get a handle on it, it's likely that you have more opportunities than time.

**and, of course, you could set up a teaching studio and fill that time-void teaching and passing along what you've learned to other generations.

My entire professional life is full of having one disappointment being turned into its being replaced with something new, unexpected and fulfilling. I think, at least in part, it depends on whether one continues to focus on the dark and helpless aspect of the change or , and I don't mean this flippantly, if someone focuses on the brightness of a new set of challenges and opportunities. You can make it work for you. We've got your back.
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Seymor B Fudd
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PostPosted: Sat Sep 18, 2021 2:59 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thanks guys! I´m really moved by your kind reflections and wise attitudes concerning the meandering paths of life. And that you have taken the time to reflect and post!
Helps me a lot! Deep inside I know, of course what I have to do....-quitting the Brass Band is a no option - and I should be happy that I was given this opportunity to play in the Big Band. I am. I have thrived, and I have been told that I´ve contributed a lot to the band.

New doors opening up?? Indeed: yesterday I was asked to play in another big band.....unfortunately always rehearsing on Sunday evenings.
And maybe the Swingband could rise again?? The music we play is quite rare these days as are the arrangements!

I do think that you put me in a much more better position than I deserve:
I am no good at arranging; a lousy teacher when it comes to music (too little patience), I etc etc....
A problem is - perhaps more of a universal kind - that as old as the swing music is, as old are the players...
Kind of a pandemic going on amongst us musicians, we die, come down with dementia, suffer strokes, from problems from you know where etc. and so on.
And all of us old farts are already occupied in bands that rehearse on certain days of the week since the rise of man....no possibilities of changing days....!
I´m reminded of the old movie (Block Heads)where Ollie travels back to France only to find Stan still walking back and forth in a trench thereby deepening it so much that you barely can detect him -( https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0029923/... ) Obviously there is a limit to digging.....if you still want to look around.. On the other hand always the same course!

Anyhow - I feel much better now! So thanks again! And I should remember to "Always look at the bright side".
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RL
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PostPosted: Mon Sep 20, 2021 9:48 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

week 1 Brassband
week 2 Bigband
week 3 Brassband
week 4 Bigband

etc etc.
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trickg
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PostPosted: Mon Sep 20, 2021 11:58 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I understand the dilemma in a way. There have been times where my plate was too full, I had too many irons in the fire, and so many commitments none of them were really working out as they should have been.

There was a point in my life between about 2003 and 2005 where I was a bit over-extended where the band thing was concerned:

1. Big Band
2. Wedding Dance Band
3. National Guard Band
4. Drumming every week for a church praise team

On top of all of that, my kids were young and starting to get involved in soccer, scouts, dance, t-ball/baseball, etc. My son had started taking guitar lessons. During this time I was also an assistant den leader, the main soccer coach, assistant baseball coach....

Nothing was receiving due diligence, I wasn't doing any of it well, and often I'd find myself leaving one thing early to get to something else late.

So I started to chop and it was based on a very simple rule of what was filling my bucket, and what was taking away from my bucket. When the dust settled, I kept the wedding band - it was a viable second source of income, (the good years were $10k years) I had a ton of fun doing it, and it was almost 100% gig-only. Almost everything else eventually got the chop.

If you can't find a way to do it all - trading schedules, etc - then keep the things that fill your bucket the most and discard anything that's pulling out of your bucket. That's worked pretty well for me over the last 15-20 years.
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blbaumgarn
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PostPosted: Mon Sep 20, 2021 8:14 pm    Post subject: Existential Crisis Reply with quote

Take the case of Seymor B. and trickg, two existential trumpet players from different generations. Should we walk the musical path of life like Seymor and try peace and contentment, or attack music and parenthood like Trickg and go in the manner of Goethe: "That which doesn't kill me makes me stronger." I think you are both doing a good job. I have been on the path of parenting, playing in church, working way too much overtime. In the end, I believe, that we attack each day and do the best we can and then we move on. I appreciated all the comments in this topic.
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Seymor B Fudd
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PostPosted: Wed Sep 22, 2021 6:02 am    Post subject: Re: Existential Crisis Reply with quote

blbaumgarn wrote:
Take the case of Seymor B. and trickg, two existential trumpet players from different generations. Should we walk the musical path of life like Seymor and try peace and contentment, or attack music and parenthood like Trickg and go in the manner of Goethe: "That which doesn't kill me makes me stronger." I think you are both doing a good job. I have been on the path of parenting, playing in church, working way too much overtime. In the end, I believe, that we attack each day and do the best we can and then we move on. I appreciated all the comments in this topic.


Peace and contentment? You kidding me?
Since 1968 I have put forward 2 dissertations, working full time ( + private enterprise since 1980), raised one child as soloparent during the 1970s (yes said child is doing excellently), divorced once, married once (still am), putting down too many hours to keep old cars going, upgrading one, built one house renovated another, spent summers sailing, now with my third boat, all of them upgraded, + re built a country house (still do); chopped down at least 25 trees, converting them into logs...and while my parents were still around I helped them, fixing their garden you name it since dad died and so many more things that life is full of. Contentment? Never, Always something there to make better. Life´s a project. Never ever to be finished. Sometimes put on standby when one´s running out of steam.
Happy? Kind of Satisfied - sure. Life´s good enough! But you oughta put down a lot of work in so many areas!
And as one buddy asked: what do you do on your spare time?
Well chatting on the TH with fellows also travelling through time! Just love it!
Addendum: I´ve decided to quit the big band - after our "RatPack" concert early February next year. A new guy, probably 55 years younger than me will take over the lead chair. Probably good for him and the band.
Meanwhile I´m putting down a lot of work in order to form a new swingband - first rehearsal coming Monday.
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Seymor B Fudd
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PostPosted: Wed May 04, 2022 7:55 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

So much for plans! Shortly thereafter Omikron hit enough people so as to make playing impossible.
Then I had to tell the brass-band that as the Ratpack concert was postboned until June 15 I had to prolong my pause.

But - chewing this back and forth I finally, 10 days ago understood: At this very point in time, in life, I should choose that which provides the most pleasure, is most fun and....I chose playing in big bands!
Never thought that I could take a pause from playing in the brass band; Been playing in it since 1958....

So here I am having and playing Fun Time! During the last 14 days I have subbed in one quite classy big band, lead, and after having played lead in another one I now play tp 4 for 2 upcoming concerts (their trumpet hero arrived from the Canary Isles), while at the same time playing lead in the a bit below medium level big band, am bound for two concerts, one in church coming Saturday and then the Ratpack concert June 15.
And I should add: the new guy quit after one rehearsal - he found himself too occupied. Youngsters these days....all over the globe.

These are the times!!!

Bottom line: have fun!
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Last edited by Seymor B Fudd on Thu May 05, 2022 5:13 am; edited 1 time in total
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stuartissimo
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PostPosted: Wed May 04, 2022 10:34 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Seymor B Fudd wrote:
These are the times!!!

Bottom line: have fun!

Sounds great! Glad to read you found a good place to play.
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Seymor B Fudd
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PostPosted: Thu May 05, 2022 5:18 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

stuartissimo wrote:
Seymor B Fudd wrote:
These are the times!!!

Bottom line: have fun!

Sounds great! Glad to read you found a good place to play.


Thanks!

Yes - it sure is nice - burdens have been lifted! Giving room for fun.
And I will contribute to the brass band now and then on gigs!
I´ll play whatever they want me to.
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kehaulani
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PostPosted: Thu May 05, 2022 6:49 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

So, Kierkegaard can rest in peace, now. I feel so much better.
Glad to hear it, Seymor. Enjoy.
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Seymor B Fudd
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PostPosted: Fri May 06, 2022 2:04 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thanks! Glad I was able to give your spirits a lift! Maybe the flesh will become a little more willing?

And Kierkegaard is said to have coined the phrase: The Self is always in a state of becoming.....
So: Who am I to become??
And you??
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kehaulani
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PostPosted: Fri May 06, 2022 5:14 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Seymor B Fudd wrote:


And Kierkegaard is said to have coined the phrase: The Self is always in a state of becoming. . . So: Who am I to become?? And you??

Becoming? I'm still working on being.
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Seymor B Fudd
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PostPosted: Sun May 08, 2022 6:16 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

!
Yes - that should suffice or else...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=08NlhjpVFsU

Anyhow - I´m having a ball! No need for me to shout "new balls please".
unless of course ..but that´s another story.

and by the way: becoming? Never give up hope! You'll never know! And if you know - well - one oughta cheeer up oneself. Now and then.
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