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Chuck Norris trumpet jokes


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tobidowski
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PostPosted: Wed Apr 30, 2008 4:17 am    Post subject: Chuck Norris trumpet jokes Reply with quote

Inspired by the Free Snipes thread. Why not?
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tobidowski
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PostPosted: Wed Apr 30, 2008 4:21 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Dave Monette designed the Chuck Norris model trumpet but decided is was far too powerful for any one person to yield. He has since locked it in a bomb proof bunker someone deep in the Sierra Nevada mountains. He prays every night that the bunker is also Chuck Norris proof.
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jscahoy
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PostPosted: Wed Apr 30, 2008 6:26 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

For better balance, the orchestra has Chuck play from his living room.

Chuck Norris actually recovered the lost 4 million dollar violin. Then he beat the owner to death with it.

Chuck Norris plays triple high Cs on a tuba mouthpiece. Anything smaller he just uses for projectiles.

Chuck really IS better than you. Any questions??
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tobidowski
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PostPosted: Wed Apr 30, 2008 6:48 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Only one orchestra conductor had the gall to tell Chuck Norris he was playing too loud. The last thing he ever saw was "No one messes with Chuck Norris" printed on the bottom of a shoe right before a swift roundhouse kick to his face.
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dstpt
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PostPosted: Tue May 01, 2018 10:35 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

tobidowski wrote:
Only one orchestra conductor had the gall to tell Chuck Norris he was playing too loud. The last thing he ever saw was "No one messes with Chuck Norris" printed on the bottom of a shoe right before a swift roundhouse kick to his face.


Sure have been times I wish I had learned this technique in music school!
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burnhamd
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PostPosted: Tue May 01, 2018 11:13 am    Post subject: Lol Reply with quote

Love it !
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Crazy Finn
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PostPosted: Tue May 01, 2018 5:45 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Chuck Norris is almost as good at trumpet as he is at acting.
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LittleRusty
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PostPosted: Tue May 01, 2018 7:40 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Crazy Finn wrote:
Chuck Norris is almost as good at trumpet as he is at acting.

Huh. I wasn't aware he played trumpet, let alone that well.
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david johnson
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PostPosted: Wed May 02, 2018 1:27 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Chuck Norris can play Cage's 4'32" in half the time, and never miss a note.
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dstpt
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PostPosted: Wed May 02, 2018 2:19 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

dstpt wrote:
tobidowski wrote:
Only one orchestra conductor had the gall to tell Chuck Norris he was playing too loud. The last thing he ever saw was "No one messes with Chuck Norris" printed on the bottom of a shoe right before a swift roundhouse kick to his face.


Sure have been times I wish I had learned this technique in music school!


I've been practicing my roundhouse kick with my piccolo in hand...still need to work on some finesse...you know, while wearing my tux. Tomorrow, I'm starting on it while holding my E-flat trumpet.

I think it's really going to get tricky once I get to my 4-valve flugel...
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iiipopes
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PostPosted: Wed May 02, 2018 6:00 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

No Joke - a local restauranteur where I live has framed and mounted pictures of "real men" in the men's room of his establishment: Bogey, James Dean, John Wayne, a couple of other actors, a couple of sports men, etc., and a picture of Chuck Norris above the urinal, at the height that so when you look up, you are eye-to-junk in the picture.
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blbaumgarn
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PostPosted: Wed May 02, 2018 11:08 pm    Post subject: Chuck Norris trumpet jokes Reply with quote

A friend of mine that is a serious horn collector wanted to add the highly speculated about and mysterious "Chuck Norris" trumpet. Finally finding a dealer that promised he had one for sale he departed to add the treasure to his collection. I just mailed flowers and condolences to his wife. He died in the store just by looking in the case.
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iiipopes
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PostPosted: Fri May 04, 2018 12:01 pm    Post subject: Re: Chuck Norris trumpet jokes Reply with quote

blbaumgarn wrote:
A friend of mine that is a serious horn collector wanted to add the highly speculated about and mysterious "Chuck Norris" trumpet. Finally finding a dealer that promised he had one for sale he departed to add the treasure to his collection. I just mailed flowers and condolences to his wife. He died in the store just by looking in the case.

Was that because as he leaned over the case to open it, the case on its own abruptly popped its latches, the lid flung open on its own, and smashed him with an uppercut, while the shelf in the case launched the horn to a groin/midsection punch to debilitate him by surprise?
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dstpt
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PostPosted: Fri May 04, 2018 12:33 pm    Post subject: Re: Chuck Norris trumpet jokes Reply with quote

iiipopes wrote:
blbaumgarn wrote:
A friend of mine that is a serious horn collector wanted to add the highly speculated about and mysterious "Chuck Norris" trumpet. Finally finding a dealer that promised he had one for sale he departed to add the treasure to his collection. I just mailed flowers and condolences to his wife. He died in the store just by looking in the case.

Was that because as he leaned over the case to open it, the case on its own abruptly popped its latches, the lid flung open on its own, and smashed him with an uppercut, while the shelf in the case launched the horn to a groin/midsection punch to debilitate him by surprise?

That's what I heard.
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blbaumgarn
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PostPosted: Wed May 09, 2018 9:43 pm    Post subject: Chuck Norris trumpet jokes Reply with quote

This one for the entire membership of Trumpet Herald. Has anyone ever plalyed the Chuck Norris signature model and lived to tell about it? I mean seriously here.
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THE BD
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PostPosted: Thu May 10, 2018 5:08 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

There is no chin behind that beard. Only another Triple C...
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blbaumgarn
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PostPosted: Thu May 17, 2018 1:54 am    Post subject: Chuck Norris trumpet jokes Reply with quote

I don't often play my Chuck Norris trumpet, but when I do it registers 6.9 on the richter scale.
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dstpt
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PostPosted: Thu May 17, 2018 3:33 am    Post subject: Re: Chuck Norris trumpet jokes Reply with quote

blbaumgarn wrote:
I don't often play my Chuck Norris trumpet, but when I do it registers 6.9 on the richter scale.


Mine registers that when I open the case!
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blbaumgarn
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PostPosted: Mon May 21, 2018 9:28 pm    Post subject: Chuck Norris trumpet jokes Reply with quote

I just saw a link for the new Chuck Norris "Code of Silence" trumpet mutes. Unlike other commercially available trumpet mutes these come in various calbibers; .357 magnum, .44 mag, .300 winchester mag. Evidently, no one criticizes your solors or riffs for fear of being shot. There are also 3 different levels of the Chuck Norris trumpet; the "lead', the "follow", and the "get the helll out of the way." models.
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Don Herman rev2
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PostPosted: Tue May 22, 2018 6:46 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

^^^ That's a joke, guys; there is no "follow" model from Chuck Norris...
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