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tobidowski Veteran Member
Joined: 19 May 2005 Posts: 419 Location: Pennsylvania
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Posted: Wed Apr 30, 2008 4:17 am Post subject: Chuck Norris trumpet jokes |
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Inspired by the Free Snipes thread. Why not? |
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tobidowski Veteran Member
Joined: 19 May 2005 Posts: 419 Location: Pennsylvania
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Posted: Wed Apr 30, 2008 4:21 am Post subject: |
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Dave Monette designed the Chuck Norris model trumpet but decided is was far too powerful for any one person to yield. He has since locked it in a bomb proof bunker someone deep in the Sierra Nevada mountains. He prays every night that the bunker is also Chuck Norris proof. |
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jscahoy Veteran Member
Joined: 07 Mar 2007 Posts: 415
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Posted: Wed Apr 30, 2008 6:26 am Post subject: |
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For better balance, the orchestra has Chuck play from his living room.
Chuck Norris actually recovered the lost 4 million dollar violin. Then he beat the owner to death with it.
Chuck Norris plays triple high Cs on a tuba mouthpiece. Anything smaller he just uses for projectiles.
Chuck really IS better than you. Any questions?? |
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tobidowski Veteran Member
Joined: 19 May 2005 Posts: 419 Location: Pennsylvania
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Posted: Wed Apr 30, 2008 6:48 am Post subject: |
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Only one orchestra conductor had the gall to tell Chuck Norris he was playing too loud. The last thing he ever saw was "No one messes with Chuck Norris" printed on the bottom of a shoe right before a swift roundhouse kick to his face. |
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dstpt Heavyweight Member
Joined: 14 Dec 2005 Posts: 1272
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Posted: Tue May 01, 2018 10:35 am Post subject: |
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tobidowski wrote: | Only one orchestra conductor had the gall to tell Chuck Norris he was playing too loud. The last thing he ever saw was "No one messes with Chuck Norris" printed on the bottom of a shoe right before a swift roundhouse kick to his face. |
Sure have been times I wish I had learned this technique in music school! |
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burnhamd Regular Member
Joined: 30 Sep 2016 Posts: 71 Location: Greenfield, TN.
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Posted: Tue May 01, 2018 11:13 am Post subject: Lol |
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Love it ! _________________ Callet Jazz Gen. II www.callet.com
Getzen Eterna Bobby Herriot Model
MF Holton LT-302
MF Holton LT-306
MF Holton ST-307
Cheap Flugel
www.danburnham.com |
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Crazy Finn Heavyweight Member
Joined: 27 Dec 2001 Posts: 8331 Location: Twin Cities, Minnesota
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Posted: Tue May 01, 2018 5:45 pm Post subject: |
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Chuck Norris is almost as good at trumpet as he is at acting. _________________ LA Benge 3X Bb Trumpet
Selmer Radial Bb Trumpet
Yamaha 6335S Bb Trumpet
Besson 709 Bb Trumpet
Bach 184L Bb Cornet
Yamaha 731 Bb Flugelhorn |
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LittleRusty Heavyweight Member
Joined: 11 Aug 2004 Posts: 12647 Location: Gardena, Ca
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Posted: Tue May 01, 2018 7:40 pm Post subject: |
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Crazy Finn wrote: | Chuck Norris is almost as good at trumpet as he is at acting. |
Huh. I wasn't aware he played trumpet, let alone that well. |
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david johnson Heavyweight Member
Joined: 09 Jul 2002 Posts: 1613 Location: arkansas/missouri
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Posted: Wed May 02, 2018 1:27 am Post subject: |
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Chuck Norris can play Cage's 4'32" in half the time, and never miss a note. |
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dstpt Heavyweight Member
Joined: 14 Dec 2005 Posts: 1272
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Posted: Wed May 02, 2018 2:19 am Post subject: |
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dstpt wrote: | tobidowski wrote: | Only one orchestra conductor had the gall to tell Chuck Norris he was playing too loud. The last thing he ever saw was "No one messes with Chuck Norris" printed on the bottom of a shoe right before a swift roundhouse kick to his face. |
Sure have been times I wish I had learned this technique in music school! |
I've been practicing my roundhouse kick with my piccolo in hand...still need to work on some finesse...you know, while wearing my tux. Tomorrow, I'm starting on it while holding my E-flat trumpet.
I think it's really going to get tricky once I get to my 4-valve flugel... |
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iiipopes Heavyweight Member
Joined: 29 Jun 2015 Posts: 545
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Posted: Wed May 02, 2018 6:00 am Post subject: |
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No Joke - a local restauranteur where I live has framed and mounted pictures of "real men" in the men's room of his establishment: Bogey, James Dean, John Wayne, a couple of other actors, a couple of sports men, etc., and a picture of Chuck Norris above the urinal, at the height that so when you look up, you are eye-to-junk in the picture. _________________ King Super 20 Trumpet; Sov 921 Cornet
Bach cornet modded to be a 181L clone
Couesnon Flugelhorn and C trumpet |
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blbaumgarn Heavyweight Member
Joined: 26 Jul 2017 Posts: 705
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Posted: Wed May 02, 2018 11:08 pm Post subject: Chuck Norris trumpet jokes |
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A friend of mine that is a serious horn collector wanted to add the highly speculated about and mysterious "Chuck Norris" trumpet. Finally finding a dealer that promised he had one for sale he departed to add the treasure to his collection. I just mailed flowers and condolences to his wife. He died in the store just by looking in the case. |
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iiipopes Heavyweight Member
Joined: 29 Jun 2015 Posts: 545
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Posted: Fri May 04, 2018 12:01 pm Post subject: Re: Chuck Norris trumpet jokes |
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blbaumgarn wrote: | A friend of mine that is a serious horn collector wanted to add the highly speculated about and mysterious "Chuck Norris" trumpet. Finally finding a dealer that promised he had one for sale he departed to add the treasure to his collection. I just mailed flowers and condolences to his wife. He died in the store just by looking in the case. |
Was that because as he leaned over the case to open it, the case on its own abruptly popped its latches, the lid flung open on its own, and smashed him with an uppercut, while the shelf in the case launched the horn to a groin/midsection punch to debilitate him by surprise? _________________ King Super 20 Trumpet; Sov 921 Cornet
Bach cornet modded to be a 181L clone
Couesnon Flugelhorn and C trumpet |
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dstpt Heavyweight Member
Joined: 14 Dec 2005 Posts: 1272
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Posted: Fri May 04, 2018 12:33 pm Post subject: Re: Chuck Norris trumpet jokes |
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iiipopes wrote: | blbaumgarn wrote: | A friend of mine that is a serious horn collector wanted to add the highly speculated about and mysterious "Chuck Norris" trumpet. Finally finding a dealer that promised he had one for sale he departed to add the treasure to his collection. I just mailed flowers and condolences to his wife. He died in the store just by looking in the case. |
Was that because as he leaned over the case to open it, the case on its own abruptly popped its latches, the lid flung open on its own, and smashed him with an uppercut, while the shelf in the case launched the horn to a groin/midsection punch to debilitate him by surprise? |
That's what I heard. |
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blbaumgarn Heavyweight Member
Joined: 26 Jul 2017 Posts: 705
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Posted: Wed May 09, 2018 9:43 pm Post subject: Chuck Norris trumpet jokes |
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This one for the entire membership of Trumpet Herald. Has anyone ever plalyed the Chuck Norris signature model and lived to tell about it? I mean seriously here. |
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THE BD Heavyweight Member
Joined: 17 Apr 2005 Posts: 897 Location: Columbus, Oh-hi-uh
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Posted: Thu May 10, 2018 5:08 am Post subject: |
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There is no chin behind that beard. Only another Triple C... _________________ Martin D Williams
Yeah, I did that! |
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blbaumgarn Heavyweight Member
Joined: 26 Jul 2017 Posts: 705
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Posted: Thu May 17, 2018 1:54 am Post subject: Chuck Norris trumpet jokes |
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I don't often play my Chuck Norris trumpet, but when I do it registers 6.9 on the richter scale. |
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dstpt Heavyweight Member
Joined: 14 Dec 2005 Posts: 1272
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Posted: Thu May 17, 2018 3:33 am Post subject: Re: Chuck Norris trumpet jokes |
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blbaumgarn wrote: | I don't often play my Chuck Norris trumpet, but when I do it registers 6.9 on the richter scale. |
Mine registers that when I open the case! |
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blbaumgarn Heavyweight Member
Joined: 26 Jul 2017 Posts: 705
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Posted: Mon May 21, 2018 9:28 pm Post subject: Chuck Norris trumpet jokes |
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I just saw a link for the new Chuck Norris "Code of Silence" trumpet mutes. Unlike other commercially available trumpet mutes these come in various calbibers; .357 magnum, .44 mag, .300 winchester mag. Evidently, no one criticizes your solors or riffs for fear of being shot. There are also 3 different levels of the Chuck Norris trumpet; the "lead', the "follow", and the "get the helll out of the way." models. |
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Don Herman rev2 'Chicago School' Forum Moderator
Joined: 03 May 2005 Posts: 8951 Location: Monument, CO
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Posted: Tue May 22, 2018 6:46 am Post subject: |
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^^^ That's a joke, guys; there is no "follow" model from Chuck Norris... _________________ "After silence, that which best expresses the inexpressible, is music" - Aldous Huxley |
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