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thoffer New Member
Joined: 31 Aug 2011 Posts: 5
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Posted: Fri Sep 02, 2011 9:52 am Post subject: |
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What's the difference between trumpet players and government bonds?
Government bonds eventually mature and earn money. |
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thoffer New Member
Joined: 31 Aug 2011 Posts: 5
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Posted: Fri Sep 02, 2011 9:59 am Post subject: |
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A drummer, sick of all the drummer jokes, decides to change his instrument. After some thought, he decides on the accordion. So he goes to the music store and says to the owner, "I'd like to look at the accordions, please."
The owner points to a shelf and says "All our accordions are over there."
After browsing, the drummer says, "I think I'd like the big red one in the corner."
The store owner looks at him and says, "You're a drummer, aren't you?"
The drummer, crestfallen, says, "How did you know?"
The store owner says, "That big red accordion is the radiator." |
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Nos Mo King Veteran Member
Joined: 10 Feb 2008 Posts: 438 Location: Cheyenne WY
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Posted: Wed Sep 07, 2011 3:44 pm Post subject: |
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When a trumpet player cleans up his dining room, he takes the empty fast food sacks off his back seat and throws them out the window. _________________ Russ Chapman
______________________________ |
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Robert Rowe Heavyweight Member
Joined: 18 Apr 2004 Posts: 5364 Location: Chincoteague, Virginia
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Posted: Sun Aug 05, 2012 8:26 am Post subject: |
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ghsdirector wrote: | How do you get a drummer to shut up?
Put music in front of him. |
Can be applied to improvisers, as well.
Anyone else experience this ?
~ r2 ~ _________________ ~ Love animals ... don't eat them. ~
I miss Genghis Khan .... |
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brianj Veteran Member
Joined: 15 Apr 2006 Posts: 239
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Posted: Sun Aug 05, 2012 11:21 am Post subject: |
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Robert Rowe wrote: | ghsdirector wrote: | How do you get a drummer to shut up?
Put music in front of him. |
Can be applied to improvisers, as well.
Anyone else experience this ?
~ r2 ~ |
Now that sometimes works in reverse too when readers have to busk.
all the best
brian jones |
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swthiel Heavyweight Member
Joined: 02 Apr 2005 Posts: 3967 Location: Cincinnati, OH
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Posted: Sun Aug 05, 2012 11:45 am Post subject: |
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BeboppinFool wrote: | . . . you took a bunch of guitar and trombone jokes and tried to make them trumpet jokes, and they're simply not funny that way. A joke has to be based on truth to be funny. |
Which reminds me of the drummer who locked his keys in his car ... it took him two hours to get the bass player out of the back seat. _________________ Steve Thiel |
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Rapier232 Heavyweight Member
Joined: 16 Aug 2011 Posts: 1322 Location: Twixt the Moor and the Sea, UK
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Posted: Sun Aug 05, 2012 11:54 am Post subject: |
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How do know there is a drummer at the door?
The knocking gets faster, and they still don't know when to come in.
How do you get 3 trombones to play in tune?
Shoot two of them. _________________ "Nearly as good as I need to be. Not nearly as good as I want to be".
Smith-Watkins Bb
Will Spencer Bb
Eclipse Flugel
Smith Watkins K2 Cornet
JP152 C Trumpet
Besson Bugle |
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swthiel Heavyweight Member
Joined: 02 Apr 2005 Posts: 3967 Location: Cincinnati, OH
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Posted: Sun Aug 05, 2012 12:07 pm Post subject: |
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A man went into a novelty shop and saw an item that caught his fancy almost immediately. It was a stuffed rat. The man couldn't take his eyes off it, and finally asked how much it cost. The answer was "$79.95, but if you buy it, you can't return it for any reason." The man thought this was a bit odd, but he was really taken by the stuffed rat so he bought it.
As he headed down the street with the stuffed rat, several live rats started following him. He thought this was really odd, but he kept walking. Within a few blocks, he had a huge pack of rats behind him. When he got to the river, he threw the stuffed rat into the river, and all the live rats jumped into the river and drowned.
The man returned to the shop. As soon as he walked in, the owner said "I told you you couldn't return the stuffed rat!"
The man said "No! I don't want to return it! I was wondering if you had any stuffed violists." _________________ Steve Thiel |
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Dan O'Donnell Heavyweight Member
Joined: 01 Jan 2005 Posts: 2287
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Posted: Sun Aug 05, 2012 4:48 pm Post subject: |
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(3) musicians die and go to Heaven while Peter is standing by the Golden Gates.
The 1st musician walks up to Peter and says...
"I played Lead Guitar in a Rock band and I made $2 Million a year."
He enters the gates.
The 2nd musician says...
"I played Drums in a Rock band and I made $1 Million a year."
He enters the gates.
The 3rd musician says...
"I played Trumpet and made $40,000 per year."
Peter replies...
"So what Jazz band did you play with?" _________________ God Bless,
Dan O'Donnell
"Praise Him with the sound of the Trumpet:..."
Psalms 150:3 |
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yorkke1 New Member
Joined: 18 Nov 2012 Posts: 5
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Posted: Mon Nov 19, 2012 11:08 am Post subject: |
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Q: What's the differance between a trumpet player and God?
A: God knows he's not a trumpet player. |
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yorkke1 New Member
Joined: 18 Nov 2012 Posts: 5
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Posted: Mon Nov 19, 2012 11:09 am Post subject: |
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Q: What do trumpet players use for birth control?
A: Their personalities. |
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yorkke1 New Member
Joined: 18 Nov 2012 Posts: 5
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Posted: Mon Nov 19, 2012 11:12 am Post subject: |
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Q: What's the first thing a trumpet player says at work?
A: "Would you like fries with that?" |
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A.N.A.Mendez Heavyweight Member
Joined: 27 Jul 2005 Posts: 5227 Location: ca.
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Posted: Mon Nov 19, 2012 2:13 pm Post subject: |
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Two guys walking down the street, one is a trumpet player, the other guy doesn't have any money either.....
http://instantrimshot.com/ _________________ "There is no necessity for deadly strife" A. Lincoln 1860
☛ "No matter how cynical you get, it's never enough to keep up" Lily Tomlin☚ |
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Nicholas1090 Regular Member
Joined: 02 Aug 2011 Posts: 45
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Posted: Thu Nov 29, 2012 7:14 pm Post subject: |
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Q: How are trumpet players like pirates?
A: They're terror on the high c's |
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Ekim Gram Veteran Member
Joined: 12 Jan 2008 Posts: 195 Location: New York
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Posted: Fri Nov 30, 2012 10:46 am Post subject: |
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A.N.A.Mendez wrote: | Two guys walking down the street, one is a trumpet player, the other guy doesn't have any money either.....
http://instantrimshot.com/ |
Out of all of the jokes in this thread, this one made me laugh. Bravo! _________________ There is no town drunk here,
We all take turns. |
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Gordontrek Veteran Member
Joined: 08 Oct 2012 Posts: 314 Location: Huntsville, AL
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Posted: Sat Dec 01, 2012 10:07 am Post subject: |
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I normally tell this one about violinists. But for the sake of staying on topic......
How many trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two. One to change it, and one to change it again to show everyone how much better he can do it. _________________ "May God have mercy on my enemies, because I won't." George S. Patton Jr.
"Those who have achieved all their aims probably set them too low." Herbert von Karajan
Bach 18043
Eastman ETR-830S
Bach 1 |
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Psychodog New Member
Joined: 18 Feb 2013 Posts: 1 Location: Kansas City, MO
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Posted: Mon Feb 18, 2013 11:36 am Post subject: |
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A man's boat capsizes and he washes up on a distant island. When he wakes up, he hears drums in the distance and goes looking for who else may be on the island. He runs into the chief the native tribe who welcomes him into his community and gives him a hutch in which to sleep. All during this time, the drums never stop and what was at first a pleasant distraction is now getting a little irritating. Night after night, day after day the drums continue without ever stopping. After a couple of days, the man asks the chief about the drums and when they would stop.
Drums never stop. Very bad if drums stop
A week goes by and the man is only able to sleep when he's absolutely exhausted. The drums go on and on. Again, he asks the chief when the drums would stop!
Drums never stop!! Very, very bad if drums stop!!!
Finally, after a month with no sleep and his ears ringing from all the drumming, he screams at the chief, I can't take it anymore!! YOU'VE GOT TO MAKE THE DRUMS STOP!!
Oh, no!! Drums never stop!! Very, very, very bad if drums stop!!
Why?? Why is it so bad if the drums stop? What could be worse than all this drumming??
TROMBONE SOLO!!! |
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Pete Anderson Veteran Member
Joined: 21 Feb 2008 Posts: 489 Location: Boston, MA
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Posted: Mon Feb 18, 2013 6:27 pm Post subject: |
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I saw this posted on facebook today. Tactical finger grips
And it's all so true...
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John Mohan Heavyweight Member
Joined: 13 Nov 2001 Posts: 9830 Location: Chicago, Illinois
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Posted: Tue Feb 19, 2013 7:34 am Post subject: |
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LOVE IT Pete! |
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trumplyr Heavyweight Member
Joined: 03 Oct 2003 Posts: 1069 Location: Rochester Hills, Mi.
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Posted: Mon Jul 15, 2013 8:06 am Post subject: |
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What do youcall a drummer without a girlfriend?
Homeless. _________________ Marty
"Information is not knowledge. Knowledge is not wisdom. Wisdom is not truth.
Truth is not beauty. Beauty is not love. Love is not music. Music is the best."
Frank Zappa |
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