Mensa Invitational

Derek Reaban · Posted: Fri Aug 26, 2005 11:23 am Post subject: Mensa Invitational

Subject: The Mensa Invitational

The Mensa Invitational once again asked members to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition. Here are this year's {2005} winners:

1. Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.
2. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
3. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating.
4. Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.
5. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.
6. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
7. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.
8. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
9. Hipatitis: Terminal coolness.
10. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)
11. Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.
12. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.
13. Glibido: All talk and no action.
14. Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
15. Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.
16. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
17. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you're eating.

And the pick of the literature:

18. Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an *******.
_________________
Derek Reaban
Tempe, Arizona
Tempe Winds / Symphony of the Southwest

vivace · Posted: Fri Aug 26, 2005 12:21 pm Post subject:

HAHAHA... those are great. I love mensa.
_________________
"All music is folk music. I ain't never heard no horse sing no song." - Louis Armstrong

FLgargoyle · Posted: Fri Aug 26, 2005 1:26 pm Post subject:

I thought it was 'Carmageddon'- the traffic I have to deal with every day! I made up my own; when a pile of junk in your house/garage/business/whatever gets so big it falls over, that is known as a 'Crapalanche'.
_________________
Jay
'64 Olds Super Trumpet
'35 Conn 40B Vocabell
'55 King Master Cornet
'40 Conn Aida Trumpet
'21 Boston Alto Horn

trumpetmike · Posted: Sat Aug 27, 2005 2:19 am Post subject:

Merseycide - the killing of scousers (one for the UK readership)

I get the feeling that this is a thread designed for the Londonhusker - he is superb at this sort of thing

lh · Posted: Sat Aug 27, 2005 4:49 am Post subject:

Mike,

I think Derek needs to visit the UK for the next taping of "I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue." Well done, Derek!

I do my daily reading in the Uxbridge English Dictionary, brought to us by the same chaps who keep Mornington Crescent at the forefront of English cultural iconography. If one listens carefully in the BBC radio archives (where Samantha does it all), the recent Oxford tapings of ISIHAC prominently features my wife's completely helpless and out-of-control laugh, as an audience member during the NEW DEFINITIONS part of the show. Her downfall?.... "increment" defined as adverse Tokyo weather.

Several of my favorites include.....

Fiasco.... an unsuccessful wall painting
Colonnade... a fizzy enema
Esplanade.... attempting an explanation when intoxicated
Geranium... the cry of the Parachute Regiment's Flower Arranging Display Team
Gripes... what Australians make wine from
Idiomatic... a Ugandan washing-machine
Trigonometry... a cowboy's method of locating his horse
Frigate... a ship that nobody cares about
Dilate... to live long
Biology... the science of why women shop
Avoidable... what a cow with a headache does
Heathrow... a brief description of what a baggage handler does
Fibre-optics... the healthy alternative to eye candy
Lymph... to walk with a lisp

and appropriately,

Equip... an unasked-for joke off the internet
_________________
Eclipse Enigma Bb trumpet 2011
Olds Super Bb trumpet 1958
Eclipse Red Flugelhorn 2011
Selmer Paris model 59 Piccolo 1977
Conn New Invention Cornet 1913

FLgargoyle · Posted: Sat Aug 27, 2005 12:26 pm Post subject:

Supplies! -what they yell at a Tokyo birthday party...
_________________
Jay
'64 Olds Super Trumpet
'35 Conn 40B Vocabell
'55 King Master Cornet
'40 Conn Aida Trumpet
'21 Boston Alto Horn

trumpetmike · Posted: Sat Aug 27, 2005 12:32 pm Post subject:

mouthpeace - when the wife stops nagging

lh · Posted: Sat Aug 27, 2005 1:56 pm Post subject:

Ethics... the place where girls with white stilettos live
Castigate... to have a nasty accident climbing into a field
Artery... shooting arrows at paintings
Intercontinental... a person who has wet themselves all over the world
Kilometre... the tiebreaking machinery used in dictatorship contests, such as those involving Stalin and Pol Pot
Plinth... artist formerly known as having two speech defects
Shi-tzu.... an unacceptable animal park
Telepathy... when you can't be bothered to turn off the TV

In response to many requests (to shut up), Idiomatic expressions and Foreign Phrases at a later date....
_________________
Eclipse Enigma Bb trumpet 2011
Olds Super Bb trumpet 1958
Eclipse Red Flugelhorn 2011
Selmer Paris model 59 Piccolo 1977
Conn New Invention Cornet 1913

lh · Posted: Sat Aug 27, 2005 2:01 pm Post subject:

By the way Mike, we all appreciate your contributions and kind words, but would you please restrict the clever jokes to actual rather than hypothetical situations?

[Quote: mouthpeace - when the wife stops nagging]
_________________
Eclipse Enigma Bb trumpet 2011
Olds Super Bb trumpet 1958
Eclipse Red Flugelhorn 2011
Selmer Paris model 59 Piccolo 1977
Conn New Invention Cornet 1913

trumpetmike · Posted: Sat Aug 27, 2005 2:24 pm Post subject:

Dave - I'm not married - maybe this is the reason why

lh · Posted: Sat Aug 27, 2005 3:05 pm Post subject:

Quit bragging...

You have no excuses now for not playing at least two or three dozen etudes each day.

_________________
Eclipse Enigma Bb trumpet 2011
Olds Super Bb trumpet 1958
Eclipse Red Flugelhorn 2011
Selmer Paris model 59 Piccolo 1977
Conn New Invention Cornet 1913

trumpetmike · Posted: Sat Aug 27, 2005 3:10 pm Post subject:

Dave - I DO play that much

(especially on the new flugel

- I'm discovering lots of pieces that work surprisingly well on flugel, although Brandenburg is still a bit of a strain

)

ralphnz · Posted: Sat Aug 27, 2005 7:55 pm Post subject:

Stradivarious... (adj.) inconsistent

But I've seen it spelled that way so many times.

silverstar · Posted: Sat Aug 27, 2005 7:57 pm Post subject:

ralphnz · Posted: Sat Aug 27, 2005 8:20 pm Post subject:

vivace · Posted: Sat Aug 27, 2005 8:21 pm Post subject:

I just thought of a couple

conputer: one who tries to steal your information over the internet
offlice: virus/sickness that spreads from cubicle to cubicle
_________________
"All music is folk music. I ain't never heard no horse sing no song." - Louis Armstrong