Wondering why we’re having the problems of today?

Brad361 · Last edited by Brad361 on Wed Dec 02, 2020 12:24 pm; edited 2 times in total

Here’s a good reason. Just received this from the parent of a lesson student, beginner (edited to insure further anonymity):

This is what the student’s parent wrote:
“Well it seems he’s not too keen on the idea anymore. He likes the class and has fun, but he doesn’t seem to like to practice or carry the trumpet around. I’m going to continue encouraging him. Maybe he’ll want to do twice a month. He’s a bit of a quitter when it comes to stuff he’s not enjoying. He wants to do athletics next year and enjoys learning in class. I appreciate your time and I’ll let you know if he changes his mind.”

This is how I feel about it, I did not share this with the parent:
I KNOW parenting is not easy, especially with today’s challenges. But exactly when did we decide that the KID is in charge and capable of making their decisions? I thought that was the parent’s job.
(BTW, this is not the first time I’ve heard this sort of thing from a parent).

Brad
_________________
When asked if he always sounds great:
"I always try, but not always, because the horn is merciless, unpredictable and traitorous." - Arturo Sandoval

kehaulani · Posted: Wed Dec 02, 2020 7:46 am Post subject:

IMO you're treading in dangerous water.
_________________
"If you don't live it, it won't come out of your horn." Bird

Yamaha 8310Z Bobby Shew trumpet
Benge 3X Trumpet
Benge 3X Cornet
Adams F-1 Flghn

Wind Machine · Regular Member Joined: 20 Oct 2020 Posts: 16

I wouldn't worry too much about it personally. As long as you are sharing love and understanding with your students, you are doing the right thing. Quitting is easy, sticking with it can be a challenge sometimes. I wouldn't have it any other way personally. I tend to want to face my problems head on now, vs running away from them. This mentality requires self-discipline and other things that a young student might not have a great concept of yet. We can't force anyone to love music or practice, we can only share our own love for playing with them and hope some of it rubs off.
_________________
You never put out someone else's light to make your own shine brighter.

Conn 8B
Monette B6/B6L

Brad361 · Posted: Wed Dec 02, 2020 11:10 am Post subject:

Brad361 · Posted: Wed Dec 02, 2020 11:24 am Post subject:

deleted_user_02066fd · New Member Joined: 03 Apr 1996 Posts: 0

The last school I taught in had instrumental instruction grades3-5. In my last year I had a kid sign up for clarinet in third grade and quit midway through the first group class. Truth is he was know it all pain in the ass and he got everything he wanted from his parents. I was kind of relieved that I didn't have to deal with him the whole year.

kehaulani · Posted: Wed Dec 02, 2020 12:11 pm Post subject:

Brad, I thought your response was what you sent to the parents, not your just thinking aloud.
_________________
"If you don't live it, it won't come out of your horn." Bird

Yamaha 8310Z Bobby Shew trumpet
Benge 3X Trumpet
Benge 3X Cornet
Adams F-1 Flghn

Brad361 · Posted: Wed Dec 02, 2020 12:22 pm Post subject:

kehaulani · Posted: Wed Dec 02, 2020 1:02 pm Post subject:

LOL. Then you understand my response.
_________________
"If you don't live it, it won't come out of your horn." Bird

Yamaha 8310Z Bobby Shew trumpet
Benge 3X Trumpet
Benge 3X Cornet
Adams F-1 Flghn

Wind Machine · Regular Member Joined: 20 Oct 2020 Posts: 16

LittleRusty · Posted: Wed Dec 02, 2020 4:38 pm Post subject:

IMO, there is a line somewhere between "because I told you so" and "whatever you want sweetie".

As a parent at some point recognizing when to not push is important. It is possible there were other things in the child's life or home that the parents felt were more important to draw the line on.

I doubt that you are the issue and hope you don't feel it is.

That said, it would be interesting to see if his dabbling in sports gets any more focus that music. I suspect not.

Speed · Posted: Wed Dec 02, 2020 5:32 pm Post subject:

Nobody enjoys anything they're not good at; but until a child gets good at it, it's the parent's job to provide the necessary carrots and sticks if the child's self-discipline fails.

Take care,
Marc Speed

Brad361 · Posted: Wed Dec 02, 2020 5:45 pm Post subject:

LittleRusty · Posted: Wed Dec 02, 2020 6:09 pm Post subject:

I suspect we would have had a lot fewer pianists in previous generations without “because I said so”. I certainly wouldn’t have practiced without pushing by my parents.

A.N.A.Mendez · Posted: Wed Dec 02, 2020 7:47 pm Post subject:

Don't pressure the little darlings.
God, my dad would just go crazy reading this.
I was in a music school doing 3 hours of Arban 5 days a week.........
Thats why I made 1st chair as a sophomore .......
And, I loved it once I did the work.......

Sad.
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☛ "No matter how cynical you get, it's never enough to keep up" Lily Tomlin☚

khedger · Posted: Wed Dec 02, 2020 8:56 pm Post subject:

I've been through these situations with private students and it's always frustrating. I'm not a parent, but I always thought that if I had a child who expressed an interest in playing music that I'd lay down a few ground rules and they would be simple:

If I'm going to provide lessons, and instrument, and time to shuttle to lessons and such, then he/she WILL practice regularly, WILL attend lessons and in short, participate to the fullest -- for at least <some reasonable period of time>. After that, if it's just not working out, then fair enough, a good effort was made and it's just not the kid's thing. I was always amazed at parents who set the kid up with instruments, paid for lessons, etc. then the kid doesn't practice, complains about everything, then decides to quit and the parent just says "whatever"......

keith

Brad361 · Posted: Wed Dec 02, 2020 9:16 pm Post subject:

Wind Machine · Regular Member Joined: 20 Oct 2020 Posts: 16

At it's core, I feel that the "issue" isn't very difficult to really lay out. In order to be successful on this instrument (and in life) we must learn to view a problem as an opportunity to improve. People quit playing because their own negative thinking tells them "I can't", be very careful what you put into the creative mind of a young person, they will believe it without question and negative reinforcement can take years to undo. The older we become, the more struggles we have encountered, if we can learn to face them and improve each time, we will experience true growth in every way.
_________________
You never put out someone else's light to make your own shine brighter.

Conn 8B
Monette B6/B6L

ghelbig · Posted: Wed Dec 02, 2020 11:13 pm Post subject:

Wind Machine · Regular Member Joined: 20 Oct 2020 Posts: 16

One more thought on this idea. We can't really break a bad habit, we can only create a new better one. You don't need to break a person down to build them back up. Music isn't a competition (no one would win anyway), but it's still healthy to be competitive! Maximize the positive, minimize the negative. Positive reinforcement boosts the student's self-image and worth. Always mention what they did well first, followed by a "you can do this better". If you only focus on the negative aspects, don't be surprised when their spirit is broken and they quit before they even really get started.
_________________
You never put out someone else's light to make your own shine brighter.

Conn 8B
Monette B6/B6L