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kentjames New Member
Joined: 15 Jan 2012 Posts: 7 Location: Deshler, Ohio
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Posted: Sat Dec 07, 2013 7:49 am Post subject: |
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I'm a little late to this game, but my JR. high band director buddy told me this one. Hey Kent, what's the difference between the conductor and the
percussion section. Well, usually about 2 beats |
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ghelbig Heavyweight Member
Joined: 27 May 2011 Posts: 908 Location: Reno, NV
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Posted: Sat Dec 21, 2013 1:29 pm Post subject: |
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Q: How can you tell that it's a Trumpet Player at the door?
A: Doesn't know which key to use, and doesn't know when to enter. |
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Rapier232 Heavyweight Member
Joined: 16 Aug 2011 Posts: 1323 Location: Twixt the Moor and the Sea, UK
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Posted: Sat Dec 21, 2013 2:25 pm Post subject: |
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What's the difference between a trombone and a trampoline?
You take your shoes off to jump on a trampoline. _________________ "Nearly as good as I need to be. Not nearly as good as I want to be".
Smith-Watkins Bb
Will Spencer Bb
Eclipse Flugel
Smith Watkins K2 Cornet
JP152 C Trumpet
Besson Bugle |
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dstdenis Heavyweight Member
Joined: 25 May 2013 Posts: 2123 Location: Atlanta GA
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Posted: Sat Dec 21, 2013 3:35 pm Post subject: |
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What's the difference between saxophone and a vacuum cleaner?
Vibrato. _________________ Bb Yamaha Xeno 8335IIS
Cornet Getzen Custom 3850S
Flugelhorn Courtois 155R
Piccolo Stomvi |
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swthiel Heavyweight Member
Joined: 02 Apr 2005 Posts: 3967 Location: Cincinnati, OH
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Posted: Sat Dec 21, 2013 3:57 pm Post subject: |
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I once heard of a bass player who was so depressed about his bad timing that he threw himself behind a train. _________________ Steve Thiel |
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ghelbig Heavyweight Member
Joined: 27 May 2011 Posts: 908 Location: Reno, NV
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Posted: Sat Dec 21, 2013 4:25 pm Post subject: |
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swthiel wrote: | I once heard of a bass player who was so depressed about his bad timing that he threw himself behind a train. |
Bass player was complaining that the guitar player had detuned one of his strings.
Piano player asked what the big deal was.
Bass player answered: "The b@stard won't tell me which one!" |
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TheLip Regular Member
Joined: 03 Apr 2012 Posts: 57 Location: Illinois
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Posted: Sun Dec 22, 2013 10:45 am Post subject: |
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Not exactly a joke, but for those familiar with "A Tuba Christmas" here's "Why there is no Trumpet Christmas."
http://youtu.be/kfodl1g_ibY
Couldn't stop laughing. _________________ Adam Velez
------------------------------
Main Gear:
Schagerl H�rsdorf Heavy Gansch-horn (Bb)
Adams A2 (Bb Flugel)
------------------------------
Main Mpcs:
Jim New: James Manley Jazz 1 & Jazz 4 |
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the_lip Heavyweight Member
Joined: 16 Dec 2004 Posts: 1142 Location: Glendale, AZ
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Posted: Sun Dec 22, 2013 11:11 am Post subject: |
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Ah yes, the "Tasty Bros" strike again... _________________ -----------------------
"Gentlemen, there are only two types of naval vessels.... Submarines & Targets."
- U.S. Navy Submarine SONAR Instructor |
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MTBDude Regular Member
Joined: 17 Aug 2012 Posts: 63 Location: Eureka Ca
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Posted: Tue Dec 31, 2013 11:12 am Post subject: |
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Alright I've got a few:
What's the difference between a Drummer and a vacuum cleaner?
You have to plug one in before it starts to suck
What do you do with a trumpet player who can't play?
Give him two drum sticks.
What do you do when he can't play drums?
Take one away and make him a conductor.
Santa, an out of tune trumpet player, and an in tune trumpet player are all hitch hiking. Which one do you pick up?
The out of tune trumpet player because the others don't exist _________________ Kanstul 1601
Reeves JH/3C/Custom |
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majdan Regular Member
Joined: 25 Dec 2013 Posts: 30 Location: Canby, OR USA
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Posted: Fri Jan 17, 2014 2:53 pm Post subject: |
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What's the difference between a trumpeter and a large pizza?
I large pizza can feed a family of four _________________ Conn 22B Trumpet
Conn 20A flugelhorn
King Liberty Trumpet
King Master Cornet |
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Avan Veteran Member
Joined: 03 Jan 2012 Posts: 396 Location: Ventura County, CA
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Posted: Fri Jan 17, 2014 3:32 pm Post subject: |
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A.N.A.Mendez wrote: | BeboppinFool wrote: | brokennoterepairs wrote: | How do you get a trumpet player to play 'fff'?
Write 'mp' on the sheet.
How many 2nd trumpets does it take to change a light bulb?
None - they can't reach that high...
How can you spot a trumpeters kids at a playground?
They can't swing...
How do you improve the aerodynamics of a trumpet players car?
Remove the Domino's pizza sign from the roof! |
I looked you up, Brian . . . here's what I found:
at his http://thebrokennote.com/aboutus.aspx website, Brian wrote: | When it comes to playing music Brian is mainly a drummer/percussionist, but dabbles in the bass guitar. He also plays every brass and woodwind instrument for testing purposes after service. |
You're not a trumpet player . . . you took a bunch of guitar and trombone jokes and tried to make them trumpet jokes, and they're simply not funny that way. A joke has to be based on truth to be funny.
But it was a nice try.
By the way, what do you call somebody who likes to hang around with musicians?
A drummer!
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"Tough crowd!"
Rodney Dangerfield |
NO !! Just got BUSTED !! LOL _________________ 1948 Selmer GP
" Man Without an Audience "
Album Release - 2017
" Mi Vida es Una Cancion "
Album release - 2022
USAF 1974-1980 E-4 |
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razeontherock Heavyweight Member
Joined: 05 Jun 2004 Posts: 10609 Location: The land of GR and Getzen
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ThePhishyTrumpeter New Member
Joined: 28 May 2010 Posts: 5
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Posted: Fri Feb 21, 2014 12:42 pm Post subject: |
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Love these jokes! |
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jungledoc Heavyweight Member
Joined: 06 Jun 2014 Posts: 613 Location: Papua New Guinea
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Posted: Sun Jun 21, 2015 12:39 pm Post subject: |
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Time to bump this up! Obviously, it has evolved into other-instrument jokes.
Which is better, an oboe or a bassoon?
Obviously, the bassoon. It'll burn 3 or 4 times longer than an oboe! _________________ Andy
I'll admit it. It's a TR300, but it wants to be a Strad when it grows up. |
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deleted_user_02066fd New Member
Joined: 03 Apr 1996 Posts: 0
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Posted: Mon Jun 22, 2015 3:59 am Post subject: |
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Did you hear the one about the guy who left his accordion in the back seat of his car in a really bad neighborhood?
When he got back to his car the window was broken and there were two accordions in the back seat.
What do you call an accordionist with a business card?
An optimist!
Which instrument will burn faster, an accordion or the bagpipes?
Who cares. |
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Freddude30 New Member
Joined: 25 Jul 2015 Posts: 9 Location: Vero Beach, Florida
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Posted: Sun Jul 26, 2015 8:37 pm Post subject: |
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What do you do if there's a bloody trumpet player running in your yard?
STOP LAUGHING AND KEEP SHOOTING!!! _________________ Bach TR500S SN#8711XXX
Bach LT190S1B Commercial SN#726XXX
Holton T602?
Monette B2S3W |
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Turkle Heavyweight Member
Joined: 29 Apr 2008 Posts: 2450 Location: New York City
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Posted: Mon Jul 27, 2015 7:59 am Post subject: |
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This isn't a joke per se, but I always laugh about this story:
Bill Chase drove some fancy sports car. At a party, a woman asked what he did for a living. He replied that he was a trumpet player.
The woman, shocked, asked "you can afford a car like that by playing the trumpet??"
Chase replied, "well, I also play the flugelhorn."
Someone who knows this story better than me can maybe fill in some of the details! But I chuckle whenever I think of it. _________________ Yamaha 8310Z trumpet
Yamaha 8310Z flugel
Curry 3. |
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1962 Conn 38a Regular Member
Joined: 17 Dec 2015 Posts: 53
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Posted: Sat Dec 19, 2015 6:07 pm Post subject: |
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A 38a is a fantastic cornet,
but it is a less-than-ideal bra size.
Rocky _________________ 1962 Conn 38a
and other vintage instruments |
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1962 Conn 38a Regular Member
Joined: 17 Dec 2015 Posts: 53
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Posted: Sun Dec 20, 2015 3:33 am Post subject: |
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In the 1940's there was a ventriloquist named Edgar Bergen who had a very popular show on radio.
A ventriloquist on the radio.
And he made millions of dollars doing it.
Look it up.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Edgar_Bergen
I've decided to make a million dollars with a similar idea.
I'm gonna have a magic show on radio.
"Ladies and gentlemen, I am gonna make this rabbit disappear.
The rabbit has now disappeared.
Trust me, the rabbi has disappeared.
I am now gonna make the rabbi re-appear.
The rabbit has now re-appeared.
Trust me, the rabbit has now re-appeared."
What does that have to do with trumpets?
Every time I perform an amazing feat of magic,
I will finish with a recording of a trumpet playing "ta-tata-ta!!!".
Rocky _________________ 1962 Conn 38a
and other vintage instruments |
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1962 Conn 38a Regular Member
Joined: 17 Dec 2015 Posts: 53
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Posted: Sun Dec 20, 2015 3:34 am Post subject: |
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Trumpet players brag about doing "sight-reading".
Trumpet players are proud of their ability to use their sight to read...
What do they think that everyone else does?
"Smell-reading"?
"Taste-reading"?
Rocky _________________ 1962 Conn 38a
and other vintage instruments |
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